Santini is a sly looking magician. His manager Jerome is sweaty and takes a hefty percentage of Santini’s hard earned magic money. Santini isn’t too happy with this but as he used to be in the SS and only Jerome knows about it there’s not much he can do. Except kill him of course. Santini’s glamorous assistant is his own daughter and he watches her making out with a guy backstage for a bit too long… He goes on stage and does a bit of magic. While he’s pretending to be locked in a metal box submerged in water he sneaks out, dresses like a waiter, puts on a fake moustache and hair piece, sets up some audio equipment in his dressing room, hangs about the kitchen, plays a trick on a waiter with the audio equipment and a skull, picks the lock of Jerome’s office door, shoots Jerome, clears away any incriminating evidence, phones the kitchen and then re-appears onstage in a tuxedo. He does all this in 9 minutes.
Columbo is on the scene at 22 minutes and 27 seconds and he has a new coat! Because of this, this episode is unofficially known as ‘The New Coat episode’. Throughout this episode Columbo tries continually to lose this new coat, as he hates it with stoic intensity. The columboid is a fancy ball typewriter.
Things we learn about Columbo: he has small hands and he plays cards down at the station.
During this episode my bunions really ached.
Friday, 23 December 2011
Season 5, Episode 4- A Matter of Honour
It’s Mexico and Luis Montoya has lots of bulls for fighting. His servant waxes his hard top. His trousers are so very tight.
A hot headed young man, probably called Curro has been injured by a bull. Now Curro’s father Hector is going to quit with job with Luis. So Luis says he’s going to kill the bull but instead drugs Hector and puts him in the ring with the bull and so, the bull kills him.
Columbo shows up at 9 minutes and 12 seconds and promptly crashes his car. He does have insurance though. Everyone else is speaking Spanish but he can’t. He flashes his badge and I see it and think perhaps his first name is Frank but I’m not sure. He meets a friendly Mexican cop called Jackie Sanchez, who is familiar with Columbo from the cruise ship case. Sanchez enlists Columbo’s help, although it looks like Hector died accidentally. Columbo knows it was no accident and proves that Montoya did it because of broken wood and wet flags. The columboid: Columbo gets Montoya in the bullring and sees him freeze with fear.
In this episode we learn that Mrs Columbo won the cruise ship ticket in a raffle and that it’s Columbo’s cousin Vito’s anniversary.
During this episode I knitted a scarf.
A hot headed young man, probably called Curro has been injured by a bull. Now Curro’s father Hector is going to quit with job with Luis. So Luis says he’s going to kill the bull but instead drugs Hector and puts him in the ring with the bull and so, the bull kills him.
Columbo shows up at 9 minutes and 12 seconds and promptly crashes his car. He does have insurance though. Everyone else is speaking Spanish but he can’t. He flashes his badge and I see it and think perhaps his first name is Frank but I’m not sure. He meets a friendly Mexican cop called Jackie Sanchez, who is familiar with Columbo from the cruise ship case. Sanchez enlists Columbo’s help, although it looks like Hector died accidentally. Columbo knows it was no accident and proves that Montoya did it because of broken wood and wet flags. The columboid: Columbo gets Montoya in the bullring and sees him freeze with fear.
In this episode we learn that Mrs Columbo won the cruise ship ticket in a raffle and that it’s Columbo’s cousin Vito’s anniversary.
During this episode I knitted a scarf.
Season 5, Episode 3- Identity Crisis
Leslie Nielson is looking about in the cupboards of a hotel. Patrick McGoohan is talking on a phone elsewhere. Leslie Nielson’s shirt is unbuttoned to the navel. Patrick and Leslie talk on the phone in code (or ‘nonsense’). They arrange a clandestine meeting in an amusement park. At this point I begin to suspect they are spies. McGoohan walks around with a giant stuffed panda whilst Nielson fails to button up his shirt. Later, after receiving a broken poker chip, Nielson meets McGoohan on the beach and McGoohan hits him with a crowbar.
Columbo shows up at 12 minutes and 37 seconds and is confused yet somehow manages to follow the trail to the amusement park. He examines photographs there. He also has his photo taken and made into a badge which he then wears. In case you didn’t catch that Columbo wears a giant badge of his own face. No words can capture my delight. Columbo knows he has to find a shifty spy called Melville Steinmetz, who is clearly just Patrick McGoohan is a luxuriant wig. Columbo discovers this when he finds a bald picture of McGoohan and draws a magnificent head of hair on it, top detective work. The columboid: China didn’t pull out of the Olympics until the day after the murder!
Things we learn about Columbo: his wife would like a giant stuffed panda but if he was standing on the dock he couldn’t hit the water, his dog is called Dog, he met a fellow in the park with a pool so his dog goes swimming there every morning, his wife likes Beethoven and Mozart but listens to ‘rock’ when their nieces come over, sometimes Columbo forgets his own telephone number.
During this episode I loved Columbo with all my heart.
Columbo shows up at 12 minutes and 37 seconds and is confused yet somehow manages to follow the trail to the amusement park. He examines photographs there. He also has his photo taken and made into a badge which he then wears. In case you didn’t catch that Columbo wears a giant badge of his own face. No words can capture my delight. Columbo knows he has to find a shifty spy called Melville Steinmetz, who is clearly just Patrick McGoohan is a luxuriant wig. Columbo discovers this when he finds a bald picture of McGoohan and draws a magnificent head of hair on it, top detective work. The columboid: China didn’t pull out of the Olympics until the day after the murder!
Things we learn about Columbo: his wife would like a giant stuffed panda but if he was standing on the dock he couldn’t hit the water, his dog is called Dog, he met a fellow in the park with a pool so his dog goes swimming there every morning, his wife likes Beethoven and Mozart but listens to ‘rock’ when their nieces come over, sometimes Columbo forgets his own telephone number.
During this episode I loved Columbo with all my heart.
Sunday, 9 October 2011
Season 5, Episode 2- A Case of Immunity
Before reading this understand I was very confused during this episode and a lot of it didn’t make sense to me. Anyway it starts with some foreigners burning some documents and planting a bomb in the office of an embassy of a Middle Eastern nation that may or may not be called Sauri. They then call in a security chief and kill him. The ringleader of this little plot is Salah, he’s tricked Habib into helping him by lying about things.
Columbo shows up at 7 minutes and 5 seconds to investigate the murder. It seems like some kind of political intrigue, is it? Your guess is as good as mine. Salah kills Habib and makes him look like a traitor. Columbo senses that something is wrong because Habib is wearing contact lenses and spectacles and that just seems mental.
Later on Salah watches the king get on a plane. Then he goes back to the embassy and goads Columbo. Columbo admits defeat and Salah admits the murders, mocking Columbo because he’s got diplomatic immunity. But ah, the king is actually waiting outside and is going to take him back to Sauri for some Saurian justice. He decides he’d rather take LA justice and offers to confess. Columbo already has a confession ready for him to sign in his pocket. Pretty excellent columboid.
Things we learn about Columbo: his brother in law is a waiter.
During this episode I contemplated my broken heart.
Columbo shows up at 7 minutes and 5 seconds to investigate the murder. It seems like some kind of political intrigue, is it? Your guess is as good as mine. Salah kills Habib and makes him look like a traitor. Columbo senses that something is wrong because Habib is wearing contact lenses and spectacles and that just seems mental.
Later on Salah watches the king get on a plane. Then he goes back to the embassy and goads Columbo. Columbo admits defeat and Salah admits the murders, mocking Columbo because he’s got diplomatic immunity. But ah, the king is actually waiting outside and is going to take him back to Sauri for some Saurian justice. He decides he’d rather take LA justice and offers to confess. Columbo already has a confession ready for him to sign in his pocket. Pretty excellent columboid.
Things we learn about Columbo: his brother in law is a waiter.
During this episode I contemplated my broken heart.
Season 5, Episode 1- Forgotten Lady
Janet Leigh is a mad old has-been star of musicals called Grace. Even though she is old she’s attempting to resurrect her career by starring in a Broadway show. She wants her husband Henry to finance the whole venture but he refuses. She gives him an extra sleeping pill then goes off to watch one of her own films in her private cinema. Half way through she whips off her big white mu-mu, gets a gun, creeps upstairs, shoots Henry, locks the door, climbs out of the window and goes back to watching the film.
Columbo shows up at 22 minutes and 27 seconds and looks very sleepy. It’s 1:30am and Columbo exclaims “Lucky I didn’t show up in my pyjamas” Hahahahahahahahaha, oh Columbo! He forgotten his notebook and pen and has to borrow one from the butler. Henry has had a cadaveric spasm which makes everyone think it’s suicide but Columbo knows better.
The Columboid: she was watching a 105 minute film for 120 minutes.
This episode is kinda crappy because it turns out Janet Leigh has some kind of brain tumour and doesn’t even know she’s killed her husband. She has mere weeks to live so some guy called Ned takes the blame. It’s saved by the scene in which Columbo feeds his dog ice cream. Classic.
We learn that Columbo likes gangster films but his wife forces him to see musicals, he doesn’t function well at night, the sight of blood makes him sick, he doesn’t carry a gun and hasn’t been to the pistol range for 5 years.
I washed my space shuttle duvet cover and pillow case during this episode.
Columbo shows up at 22 minutes and 27 seconds and looks very sleepy. It’s 1:30am and Columbo exclaims “Lucky I didn’t show up in my pyjamas” Hahahahahahahahaha, oh Columbo! He forgotten his notebook and pen and has to borrow one from the butler. Henry has had a cadaveric spasm which makes everyone think it’s suicide but Columbo knows better.
The Columboid: she was watching a 105 minute film for 120 minutes.
This episode is kinda crappy because it turns out Janet Leigh has some kind of brain tumour and doesn’t even know she’s killed her husband. She has mere weeks to live so some guy called Ned takes the blame. It’s saved by the scene in which Columbo feeds his dog ice cream. Classic.
We learn that Columbo likes gangster films but his wife forces him to see musicals, he doesn’t function well at night, the sight of blood makes him sick, he doesn’t carry a gun and hasn’t been to the pistol range for 5 years.
I washed my space shuttle duvet cover and pillow case during this episode.
Season 4, Episode 6- A Deadly State of Mind
George Hamilton is Marcus Collier, a weird manipulative ‘doctor’ that drugs and hypnotises woman in order to cure their mental illness. He’s quite ethically having an affair with one of these women. Her name is Nadja. A sexy blonde doctor knows Collier is using drugs he shouldn’t be. He’s also trying to persuade her to fake some lab results so he can publish a book. So far things aren’t great but they just get worse when Nadja’s husband finds out about the affair and gleefully beats her. Collier hits him with a poker and then they invent a cockamamie story about robbers breaking in and killing him. He finally catches a break as the only witness is a blind man.
We hear Columbo’s voice at 14 minutes and 44 seconds and then we see his back at 14 minutes and 46 seconds. He doesn’t believe Collier and Nadja’s story and goes about dismantling Nadja’s fragile mental health in order to get them to confess. Frightened that she’s going to blab Collier hypnotises her into jumping out of a window.
The columboid: he uses the blind man’s brother to trick him.
Things we learn about Columbo: his car is French and has thin tyres, he takes his coffee black, he couldn’t afford a beach house and he likes cream soda.
I drank hot chocolate during this episode.
We hear Columbo’s voice at 14 minutes and 44 seconds and then we see his back at 14 minutes and 46 seconds. He doesn’t believe Collier and Nadja’s story and goes about dismantling Nadja’s fragile mental health in order to get them to confess. Frightened that she’s going to blab Collier hypnotises her into jumping out of a window.
The columboid: he uses the blind man’s brother to trick him.
Things we learn about Columbo: his car is French and has thin tyres, he takes his coffee black, he couldn’t afford a beach house and he likes cream soda.
I drank hot chocolate during this episode.
Season 4, Episode 5- Playback
Harold Van Wick kills his mother in law Margaret because he is running her electronics business into the ground with his love of gadgetry and she wants him to stop. What a bitch. He has a wheelchair bound wife and a moron of a brother in law and assumes he’ll get away with it. He shoots her, films it, sets up the film to play for a security guard later and then goes to an art show. He is a man that believes he can establish an alibi by ostentatiously asking for the time.
We see Columbo’s car at 17 minutes and 42 seconds and Columbo in the flesh at 17 minutes and 57 seconds. Columbo looks at some art and his dog barks at Harold.
The Columboid: on the video Harold’s art show invitation is on the table.
Things we learn about Columbo: his dog chases the neighbour’s cat, his wife does paint by numbers and he hates guns.
During this episode I spilled tea on myself.
We see Columbo’s car at 17 minutes and 42 seconds and Columbo in the flesh at 17 minutes and 57 seconds. Columbo looks at some art and his dog barks at Harold.
The Columboid: on the video Harold’s art show invitation is on the table.
Things we learn about Columbo: his dog chases the neighbour’s cat, his wife does paint by numbers and he hates guns.
During this episode I spilled tea on myself.
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