Friday, 23 December 2011

Season 5, Episode 5- Now You See Him…

Santini is a sly looking magician. His manager Jerome is sweaty and takes a hefty percentage of Santini’s hard earned magic money. Santini isn’t too happy with this but as he used to be in the SS and only Jerome knows about it there’s not much he can do. Except kill him of course. Santini’s glamorous assistant is his own daughter and he watches her making out with a guy backstage for a bit too long… He goes on stage and does a bit of magic. While he’s pretending to be locked in a metal box submerged in water he sneaks out, dresses like a waiter, puts on a fake moustache and hair piece, sets up some audio equipment in his dressing room, hangs about the kitchen, plays a trick on a waiter with the audio equipment and a skull, picks the lock of Jerome’s office door, shoots Jerome, clears away any incriminating evidence, phones the kitchen and then re-appears onstage in a tuxedo. He does all this in 9 minutes.
Columbo is on the scene at 22 minutes and 27 seconds and he has a new coat! Because of this, this episode is unofficially known as ‘The New Coat episode’. Throughout this episode Columbo tries continually to lose this new coat, as he hates it with stoic intensity. The columboid is a fancy ball typewriter.
Things we learn about Columbo: he has small hands and he plays cards down at the station.
During this episode my bunions really ached.

Season 5, Episode 4- A Matter of Honour

It’s Mexico and Luis Montoya has lots of bulls for fighting. His servant waxes his hard top. His trousers are so very tight.
A hot headed young man, probably called Curro has been injured by a bull. Now Curro’s father Hector is going to quit with job with Luis. So Luis says he’s going to kill the bull but instead drugs Hector and puts him in the ring with the bull and so, the bull kills him.
Columbo shows up at 9 minutes and 12 seconds and promptly crashes his car. He does have insurance though. Everyone else is speaking Spanish but he can’t. He flashes his badge and I see it and think perhaps his first name is Frank but I’m not sure. He meets a friendly Mexican cop called Jackie Sanchez, who is familiar with Columbo from the cruise ship case. Sanchez enlists Columbo’s help, although it looks like Hector died accidentally. Columbo knows it was no accident and proves that Montoya did it because of broken wood and wet flags. The columboid: Columbo gets Montoya in the bullring and sees him freeze with fear.
In this episode we learn that Mrs Columbo won the cruise ship ticket in a raffle and that it’s Columbo’s cousin Vito’s anniversary.
During this episode I knitted a scarf.

Season 5, Episode 3- Identity Crisis

Leslie Nielson is looking about in the cupboards of a hotel. Patrick McGoohan is talking on a phone elsewhere. Leslie Nielson’s shirt is unbuttoned to the navel. Patrick and Leslie talk on the phone in code (or ‘nonsense’). They arrange a clandestine meeting in an amusement park. At this point I begin to suspect they are spies. McGoohan walks around with a giant stuffed panda whilst Nielson fails to button up his shirt. Later, after receiving a broken poker chip, Nielson meets McGoohan on the beach and McGoohan hits him with a crowbar.
Columbo shows up at 12 minutes and 37 seconds and is confused yet somehow manages to follow the trail to the amusement park. He examines photographs there. He also has his photo taken and made into a badge which he then wears. In case you didn’t catch that Columbo wears a giant badge of his own face. No words can capture my delight. Columbo knows he has to find a shifty spy called Melville Steinmetz, who is clearly just Patrick McGoohan is a luxuriant wig. Columbo discovers this when he finds a bald picture of McGoohan and draws a magnificent head of hair on it, top detective work. The columboid: China didn’t pull out of the Olympics until the day after the murder!
Things we learn about Columbo: his wife would like a giant stuffed panda but if he was standing on the dock he couldn’t hit the water, his dog is called Dog, he met a fellow in the park with a pool so his dog goes swimming there every morning, his wife likes Beethoven and Mozart but listens to ‘rock’ when their nieces come over, sometimes Columbo forgets his own telephone number.
During this episode I loved Columbo with all my heart.