Saturday, 25 February 2012

Season 6, Episode 3- The Bye Bye Sky High IQ Murder Case

Oliver and Bertie are partners in the Company. They are also members of a Mensa- like high IQ society. At one of their meetings they go upstairs to look at a dictionary. Bertie tells Oliver he knows he’s stealing from the Company. Oliver shoots him. Then he faffs about setting up some kind of murder trap before going downstairs to talk to the other smart-holes. The murder trap thing causes some shooting sounds and everyone runs upstairs. It looks like Bertie has just been killed by an intruder and not by Oliver ten minutes ago.
Columbo shows up in a haze of smoke at 16 minutes and 17 seconds. He follows Oliver around a park whilst he eats an ice cream and tries to dispose of a gun.
Columbo basically goads Oliver into confessing by saying that one of the other high IQ guys is smarter than him.
During this episode we learn that Mrs Columbo is good at puzzles, Columbo’s nephew is studying to be an accountant, he can’t think of a time when he wasn’t working and at school lots of kids were smarter than him.
I watched this episode on a train. Fellow passengers radiated envy.

Season 6, Episode 2- Old Fashioned Murder

Aunt Ruth runs the family museum, her brother Edward wants to cut the museum budget, her niece Janey wants her to go on dates. Dates with men. Janey is having an affair with Tim and blinded by love she employs his ex-con gambling addict brother Milton as a security guard. Aunt Ruth approaches Milton and asks him to set up a fake robbery at the museum. But instead of a fake robbery Ruth shoots Milton and her brother Edward.
Columbo shows up at 17 minutes and 3 seconds. The news of the murder sends Ruth’s sister into a fainting frenzy and makes their housekeeper hysterical, Janey is constantly on edge. Murdering aside Ruth seems to be the only person in the household not mentally ill. Their fridge is the colour of cheap chocolate ice cream. Bit of an odd hue. As part of his investigations Columbo gets a super haircut.
The Columboid: the artefact Ruth claimed was missing for two weeks had been recorded on Edward’s inventory on the night of the murder.
Things we learn about Columbo: he has an allergy, he doesn’t want to take anti-histamines as they make him sleepy, last year he went on holidays to the Islands and had to be vaccinated
During this episode I ate a roast dinner. It was 11am.

Wednesday, 22 February 2012

Season 6, Episode 1- Fade into Murder

William Shatner is Ward Fowler, an actor who plays the TV detective Lieutenant Lucerne. He’s greedy for more money but his producer Claire is blackmailing him because he was a deserter during the Korean War. Shatner invites a man with a limp to his house to watch sport and then drugs him. Then he sneaks out to the deli he knows Claire is at, puts on a balaclava and puffa jacket, pretends it’s a stick up and shoots her. After this he destroys his disguise, goes home and rewinds the sport. He can do this because he has a fancy video recorder machine. He wakes up old limpy and pretends he just nodded off for a minute and not the massive amount of time it took to do a complicated murder.
Columbo shows up at 14 minutes and 40 seconds and is awed by the fame of Fowler/Shatner, so much so he lets him assist with the investigation. But look out Fowler/Shatner- it’s a trap! Columbo is on to him from the start and finally catches him in a columboid that involves a watch that should be fast but isn’t and fingerprints on bullets.
During this episode we learn that Columbo and Mrs Columbo never miss an episode of Lieutentant Lucerne.
I had some very green soup whilst watching this episode. Unnaturally green.

Monday, 20 February 2012

Season 5, Episode 6- Last Salute to the Commodore

Steady yourselves, this is a complicated one. Loads of old people are having fun on a boat. Ancient and surly Otis (AKA the Commodore) looks on disapprovingly before boarding. It’s his party but he’s really not keen. His daughter Joanna is drunk and busty. Otis’ son-in-law Charles wants to expand his naval architecture business but he’s having none of it. Later Charles shows up at Otis’ house and he’s lying on the floor, dead. The only thing to do is dress as the Commodore and sail around ostentatiously before dumping the body at sea, then scuba diving off the boat and swimming back to land.
Columbo makes an appearance at 13 minutes and 35 seconds. The body has turned up and the lack of water in the lungs proves it wasn’t an accident.
Columbo snoops about and suspects Charles but then Charles goes and gets himself killed. Now we’re in the peculiar position of not knowing who the murderer is. This is extremely disorientating and made me feel a bit sleepy. Columbo gathers all the players together for an Agatha Christie style big reveal. The columboid is a watch. The murderer is Swanny. Who’s that you ask? Exactly.
We learn that Columbo knows nothing about boats and that his wife wants him to give up cigars. She thinks cigars are bad for her plants. She also talks to her plants.
During this episode I drank orange squash from a Lando Calrissian glass.