Sunday, 28 July 2013

Season 10, Episode 4- Death Hits the Jackpot

Freddie and Nancy are getting a divorce and they’re fighting over the terms. Suddenly Freddie wins the lottery and he must hide it from Nancy so she can’t finagle it from him in the divorce. He turns to his loving uncle Leon, a fancy jeweller. He asks him to hide the money. BIG MISTAKE. Turns out uncle Leon is totally broke.
Uncle Leon plans a big party and dresses up like King George. Freddie can’t go because he’s chimp sitting. Leon sneaks out, drowns Freddie and then goes back to party. Here’s the real twist though- Freddie’s wife helps him out. THEY ARE HAVING AN AFFAIR.
Columbo shows up at 31 minutes and 13 seconds and he’s speaking to a chimp. The columboid is chimp fingerprints on a King George medallion.
In this episode we learn that Mrs Columbo paid $80 for a footstool made of coffee cans, it’s Columbo’s 25th wedding anniversary and his wife has 2 ears.
During this episode I just watched this episode.

Season 10, Episode 3- Columbo and the Murder of a Rock Star

A man and woman in the prime of their lives and height of their passion enjoy sexual congress. Another man watches a secret tape of it. She’s a famous rock star and she’s having an affair. Her corrupt lawyer life partner has planted secret cameras and now he’s out for revenge. He poisons her champagne and frames her knucklehead lover.
Columbo shows up at 19 minutes and 50 seconds. It turns out the lawyer’s assistant knows he did the murder and now she’s insisting on a promotion and a marriage proposal and a re-decoration of the office. He wearily complies like a poor downtrodden man.
The columboid is a paper mask. It is completely and utterly stupid. It kind of made me angry.
Little Richard is in this episode. I can’t understand the noise that comes from his mouth.
In this episode we learn that Coiumbo likes peanut butter and raisin sandwiches.
During this episode I ate cheese.

Wednesday, 24 July 2013

Season 10, Episode 2- Caution: Murder Can Be Hazardous to your Health

George Hamilton is Wade Anders, the anchor of a Crime Watch-esque show called CRIME ALERT (caps mine). Some guy called Budd wants to be the anchor and he’s prepared to use blackmail to get what he wants. Turns out old Wade was in a ‘skin flick’ with an under aged girl back in the day. If this gets out he’ll be ruined. There’s only one solution- KILLING (caps mine). So he poisons Budd’s cigarettes and sits back and relaxes.
Relaxes until Columbo shows up at 26 minutes and 40 seconds. Columbo bumbles around but he knows who the guilty party is and he won’t stop until he’s pestered him into confessing.
The columboid is dog scratches and trimmed hedges.
During this episode we learn that Columbo has had the same barber for 20 years, his wife would like it if he was sexier and he needs a tape deck in his car.
I created a stink during this episode.

Season 10, Episode 1- Columbo Goes to College

Gary Hershberger is Cooper, a rich college guy with a range rover and a tennis kit. The stupid bastard has gotten 3 girls pregnant in 18 months and isn’t academically gifted. His dad isn’t happy, anymore of this nonsense and he’s out. His creepy friend Justin helps him cheat on tests, maybe Justin is in love with him? I don’t know.
One of their professors knows they are big rich kid cheaters and he’s going to tell on them. But Professor Spragger isn’t so squeaky clean himself. He’s having an affair with the football coach’s wife. Cooper and Justin know and they’re going to use it against him. But also they will kill him.
Columbo shows up at 14 minutes and 40 seconds to give a lecture on crime fighting. And why the hell not? As far as I can see he has a 100% murder solving record. Cooper and Justin have rigged the Professor’s car so with a remote control gun. So as they kick back and listen to Columbo they can also shoot their nemesis in the head. Bad luck for them that Columbo is on the scene though. These guys are real nasty pieces of work and try to frame the security guard’s no good brother. Robert Culp (huzzah!) shows up as Justin’s dad and patronises Columbo.
The Columboid is his wife’s car. And entrapment.
In this episode we learn that Columbo’s wife wants to burn his suit, his wife’s niece is called Annette and he gets a lot of offers on his car.
During this episode I re-assessed my life.