Sunday, 7 October 2012

Season 9, Episode 2- Columbo Cries Wolf

Fine Young Cannibals are playing over the title sequence and I can already tell this is going to be another sexy episode. Cut to shots of sexy girls in swimwear around a pool. This is the ‘Bachelor’s World’ mansion, kinda like the Playboy Mansion but sexier. Too sexy.
The face of Bachelor’s World is Sean Brantley but the brains behind the operation is Dian Hunter. Sean is having too many affairs with nymphs so Dian is going to sell her shares to Sir Harry Matthews. She leaves for London but then goes missing. Columbo comes in at 15 minutes and 16 seconds. He thinks Sean has killed Dian. After searching and harassing and messing about Dian turns up. It’s all been some scheme hatched up by the two of them for publicity. But then he goes and breaks her neck anyway and Columbo catches him.
The columboid is a gold beeper, flashing the word GOTCHA.
This isn’t my favourite episode. Columbo shouldn’t be so sexy.
We learn nothing about Columbo in this episode.
During this episode I ate a gourmet yogurt. I am not a sexy person.

Season 9, Episode 1- Murder: A Self Portrait

The opening of this episode grabs the public and gives them what they want, i.e. loads of shots of basset hounds. It’s some kind of competition. There are costumes and howling and Columbo comes along at 1 minutes and 32 seconds. All this is then kind of forgotten about for a bit.
There’s an artist called Max Barsini. He has two wives and a girlfriend and they all live together. Maybe this will all be fine and work out really well… Oh, his first wife is going to leave him. This does not please him so he kills her. He pretends he’s painting a picture but all the while he’s killing her.
Columbo comes back and flatters Barsini until he arrests him for murder.
The columboid is ‘Barsini red’ paint and brush cleaner and Freudian interpretations of dreams.
Things we learn about Columbo: his uncle was a medical doctor.
During this episode I packed for a Swedish adventure.

Season 8, Episode 4- Grand Deceptions

Colonel Frank Brealey is running a kind of military academy, that’s not really a military academy, it’s something else. Good old General Pagett is the money behind the academy, little does he know that Frank is doing some unspecified illegal stuff using the ‘Special Projects’ file. Frank is also sleeping with the General’s lovely young wife. And by sleeping with I mean sexing with. A guy called Lester knows all this and he’s going to rat him out. So whilst Frank is setting up a bunch of toy soldiers for the General’s birthday he sneaks out blows Lester up.
Columbo shows up at 22 minutes and 2 seconds and he knows the score. There are some shenanigans with the special projects file and a fake special projects file before Frank is inevitably caught.
The Columboid is the books won’t fit in the box!
Things we learn about Columbo: His car is a collector’s item and his nephew is a civil war re-enactor.
I really wanted a puppy during this episode. Really.

Season 8, Episode 3- Sex and the Married Detective

Dr Joan Allenby is a sex advice DJ/ author/ sex doctor. Her boyfriend is suspicious. She has to go on a trip to promote something but what’s this? Her flight is cancelled. Inconvenient but hey she can just go round to her boyfriend’s and snuggle, right? WRONG. He’s having a real good sexy time in bed with her secretary. So she sneaks out without them seeing and goes on her trip via some other means. When she gets back she goes to a fundraiser dressed like a normal lady from the 80s, then goes to the bathroom and changes to look like some kind of sexy prostitute. She creeps out, meets the man for a date, takes him to the ‘sex room’ in her office and kills him.
Columbo shows up at 22 minutes and 39 seconds, he smokes in a lift with a ‘No Smoking’ sign, oh Columbo! This is perhaps the most saucy episode I’ve ever seen. Not sure I like it.
The columboid is a lady police officer dressing up as the sexy prostitute.
In this episode we learn that Columbo can play the tuba and that his wife is anxious for him to read the sexual fantasies chapter of Dr Allenby’s book.
During this episode I painted my nails the colour of unpainted nails.