Season 5, Episode 1- Forgotten Lady

Janet Leigh is a mad old has-been star of musicals called Grace. Even though she is old she’s attempting to resurrect her career by starring in a Broadway show. She wants her husband Henry to finance the whole venture but he refuses. She gives him an extra sleeping pill then goes off to watch one of her own films in her private cinema. Half way through she whips off her big white mu-mu, gets a gun, creeps upstairs, shoots Henry, locks the door, climbs out of the window and goes back to watching the film.
Columbo shows up at 22 minutes and 27 seconds and looks very sleepy. It’s 1:30am and Columbo exclaims “Lucky I didn’t show up in my pyjamas” Hahahahahahahahaha, oh Columbo! He forgotten his notebook and pen and has to borrow one from the butler. Henry has had a cadaveric spasm which makes everyone think it’s suicide but Columbo knows better.
The Columboid: she was watching a 105 minute film for 120 minutes.
This episode is kinda crappy because it turns out Janet Leigh has some kind of brain tumour and doesn’t even know she’s killed her husband. She has mere weeks to live so some guy called Ned takes the blame. It’s saved by the scene in which Columbo feeds his dog ice cream. Classic.
We learn that Columbo likes gangster films but his wife forces him to see musicals, he doesn’t function well at night, the sight of blood makes him sick, he doesn’t carry a gun and hasn’t been to the pistol range for 5 years.
I washed my space shuttle duvet cover and pillow case during this episode.

Season 4, Episode 6- A Deadly State of Mind

George Hamilton is Marcus Collier, a weird manipulative ‘doctor’ that drugs and hypnotises woman in order to cure their mental illness. He’s quite ethically having an affair with one of these women. Her name is Nadja. A sexy blonde doctor knows Collier is using drugs he shouldn’t be. He’s also trying to persuade her to fake some lab results so he can publish a book. So far things aren’t great but they just get worse when Nadja’s husband finds out about the affair and gleefully beats her. Collier hits him with a poker and then they invent a cockamamie story about robbers breaking in and killing him. He finally catches a break as the only witness is a blind man.
We hear Columbo’s voice at 14 minutes and 44 seconds and then we see his back at 14 minutes and 46 seconds. He doesn’t believe Collier and Nadja’s story and goes about dismantling Nadja’s fragile mental health in order to get them to confess. Frightened that she’s going to blab Collier hypnotises her into jumping out of a window.
The columboid: he uses the blind man’s brother to trick him.
Things we learn about Columbo: his car is French and has thin tyres, he takes his coffee black, he couldn’t afford a beach house and he likes cream soda.
I drank hot chocolate during this episode.

Season 4, Episode 5- Playback

Harold Van Wick kills his mother in law Margaret because he is running her electronics business into the ground with his love of gadgetry and she wants him to stop. What a bitch. He has a wheelchair bound wife and a moron of a brother in law and assumes he’ll get away with it. He shoots her, films it, sets up the film to play for a security guard later and then goes to an art show. He is a man that believes he can establish an alibi by ostentatiously asking for the time.
We see Columbo’s car at 17 minutes and 42 seconds and Columbo in the flesh at 17 minutes and 57 seconds. Columbo looks at some art and his dog barks at Harold.
The Columboid: on the video Harold’s art show invitation is on the table.
Things we learn about Columbo: his dog chases the neighbour’s cat, his wife does paint by numbers and he hates guns.
During this episode I spilled tea on myself.

Season 4, Episode 4- Troubled Waters

Columbo makes an early appearance at only 42 seconds as he boards a cruise ship. He’s looking for the ever elusive Mrs Columbo. He asks a sea-faring fellow if he’s seen her- she has black hair in a bun and is the same height as him. He hasn’t seen her.
Also aboard are Robert Vaughan and his shrewish wife and Dean Stockwell who is anxious to see a sexy lady named Rosanna. Turns out Rosanna doesn’t want to see Dean, she’s having an affair with Robert Vaughan and is now blackmailing him. He has to get rid of her before the rich shrew finds out! So he fakes a heart attack and is taken to the ship’s hospital. Rosanna is a singer on board the ship. She has awful clothes, an awful voice and an awful face. Pretty sure she smells awful too, probably a mix of talcum powder and fish. During her break from singing terribly Robert Vaughan sneaks out of the hospital and shoots her. He also does a little Dean Stockwell frame up job.
Obviously Columbo is called in to investigate. He is very sweaty in this episode, probably distressed about not being able to find his wife and annoyed that his holiday has been ruined by another posho murdering someone.
The columboid: he uses powder to prove Vaughan’s finger prints are on the inside of the surgical gloves!
Things we learn about Columbo: his brother in law has an auto repair shop in the valley, he hasn’t been on a boat before, he gets sea sick.
I felt very sleepy during this episode.

Season 4, Episode 3- By Dawn’s Early Light

Colonel Lyle C. Rumford runs a military academy that’s about to be closed down by the founder’s grandson- William Haynes. Rumford’s face is sweaty throughout.
William turns up and insists on presiding over the founder’s day ceremony, Rumford had counted on this and has rigged a canon so that it will back fire and kill him.
Although it looks like an accident Columbo still shows up to sniff around at 16 minutes and 44 seconds. He hangs about outside on all girls school and sets up a rebellious cadet called Springer. The columboid: elusive cider.
Columbo was in the army, wears a vest and size 10 ½ to 11 socks and only his wife uses his first name.
During this episode I ate a giant meringue.

Season 4, Episode 2- Negative Reaction

Dick Van Dyke is Paul Gales, a top photographer with a hot assistant. He really wants to go to the Philippines with her. Unfortunately Paul has a wife. She is posh, drunk and quite horrible. She makes him angry. He takes her to an abandoned cabin, ties her to a chair and takes a takes a picture of her next to a clock telling the wrong time. Then he shoots her. He’s also been paying an ex-con to look at real estate. He meets up with the con shoots him and shoots himself in the knee. It’s a convoluted plan involving a fake kidnap set up. Dick is dead smug.
Columbo shows up at 20 minutes and 27 seconds. He feigns an interest in photography to annoy Dick Van Dyke and catches him out before he can go to the Philippines with the assistant.
Things we learn about Columbo: He’s had his coat for 7 years, his dog is in love with the cocker spaniel next door and he took pictures at his cousin’s wedding but they were awful.
During this episode I put on green socks.

Season 4, Episode 1- An Exercise in Fatality

Super fit old guy Milo Janus runs a gym franchise. He’s involved in some kind of racket that forces his franchise owners to pay over the odds for supplies. Gene Stafford has found him out and is going to reveal all. Milo comes up with a lovely little plan to strangle Gene, dress him in a tracksuit and drop some weights on him. Whilst doing this he spills hot coffee on himself and a rug. Afterwards he goes home, rings his own house and plays a recording of Gene that he made earlier. This is going to be fool proof. Then Columbo shows up.
Columbo catches him out for many reasons. Mainly because he’s the greatest detective of all time. Other reasons are shoe marks on the polished floor, the coffee burn, Gene ordering a large meal of Chinese food and some shoe laces.
Things we learn about Columbo: his wife isn’t thin and he wouldn’t want her to be, he enjoys eating chilli (of course) and a rare steak now and then, Columbo can’t swim and doesn’t even have a deep tub.
During this episode I picked a scab.