Wesley is a dentist working for his father in law. He’s terrible at both dentistry and son in lawing. His meal ticket wife Lydia wants to divorce him so he puts some of her heart medication in her lover’s filling. This lover happens to be a big movie star called Adam Evans. Adam goes to see Lydia and to do some loving, Wesley knows what's going on. After the magaritas and the love Adam drops dead. Lydia is pretty distraught. Wesley comes back, covers it all up and makes it look like a car accident but plants enough evidence to suggest she might have done it.
Columbo comes along at 24 minutes and 7 seconds. He has to explain how he is a police lieutenant. He fakes tooth problems, digs out an old chemistry set, does general shuffling about and annoys people.
The columboid is fake chemistry.
Things we learn about Columbo: he’s never had a chance to use his siren, his coat doesn’t have a lining, he takes a touch of cream in his coffee, he had a tee total cousin that got hit by a bakery truck and he’s been on the force for 22 years.
During this episode I ate chocolate and guiness cake. Because I’m a decadent son of a gun.
Monday, 13 May 2013
Sunday, 12 May 2013
Season 9, Episode 4- Rest in Peace Mrs Columbo
There’s a funeral and a voice over. Columbo shows up at a mere 32 seconds. What the heck is going on here then? I’ll tell you what, it’s Mrs Columbo’s funeral. WHAT?
Cut to flashback. Vivienne Dimitri is an estate agent in a sports car. She’s having an affair with Lovejoy, except he’s not a loveable antiques dealer here. He’s something else. So, it turns out Vivienne’s husband was some top financial guy, who stole a client’s money, killed the client, went to prison then died of a heart attack. She blames her boss for this so she kills him. With a gun. Then goes on a date with Lovejoy. They do sex in an anonymous room with the lights off.
It turns out she also blames Columbo for her husband’s imprisonment and death. As he investigates the murder she gives him jars of marmalade to slowly poison his wife. He tells her she’s died of a heart attack but it’s all a lie. He knew all along that she was a crazy killer and Mrs Columbo is alive and kicking! Huzzah! The columboid is once again basically entrapment.
Things we learn about Columbo: he’s been married 28 or 29 years next January, he never bets, his wife likes marmalade but her prefers a smooth jam, he likes Gary Cooper, Louis Armstrong and Mark Twain, his wife plays the piano but not well, he never had children but looked after his sister Ruth’s kid’s, he walks the dog 5 times a day and he doesn’t have a dentist. That’s a lot of stuff.
I feel as if someone wanted this to the Citizen Kane of Columbos. But it's better than that because it's not boring and it's in colour.
During this episode I ate Chinese food and drank fizzy pop.
Cut to flashback. Vivienne Dimitri is an estate agent in a sports car. She’s having an affair with Lovejoy, except he’s not a loveable antiques dealer here. He’s something else. So, it turns out Vivienne’s husband was some top financial guy, who stole a client’s money, killed the client, went to prison then died of a heart attack. She blames her boss for this so she kills him. With a gun. Then goes on a date with Lovejoy. They do sex in an anonymous room with the lights off.
It turns out she also blames Columbo for her husband’s imprisonment and death. As he investigates the murder she gives him jars of marmalade to slowly poison his wife. He tells her she’s died of a heart attack but it’s all a lie. He knew all along that she was a crazy killer and Mrs Columbo is alive and kicking! Huzzah! The columboid is once again basically entrapment.
Things we learn about Columbo: he’s been married 28 or 29 years next January, he never bets, his wife likes marmalade but her prefers a smooth jam, he likes Gary Cooper, Louis Armstrong and Mark Twain, his wife plays the piano but not well, he never had children but looked after his sister Ruth’s kid’s, he walks the dog 5 times a day and he doesn’t have a dentist. That’s a lot of stuff.
I feel as if someone wanted this to the Citizen Kane of Columbos. But it's better than that because it's not boring and it's in colour.
During this episode I ate Chinese food and drank fizzy pop.
Season 9, Episode 3- Agenda for Murder
Patrick McGoohan is back! He’s Oscar Finch, a top attorney with a shady past. But he’s trying to put all that behind him and become just some honest lawyer guy who’s helping his Governor mate, Paul Mackey. Mackey is running for president and he wants Finch to be his vice. But now the skeletons are flying out of the closet and Frank Staplin comes along to blackmail him about all the horrible illegal stuff he used to do. Oscar shoots him and makes it look like suicide.
Columbo turns up at 20 minutes and 14 seconds and is confused by a fax machine (who isn’t!?). He also eats some crime scene cheese, yum Columbo, yum.
This is a great episode that harks back to the classics of the 70s. No sex or technology. The columboid? Bite marks in that cheese!
During this episode we learn that Columbo’s father loved Parmigiano Reggiano cheese.
I badly wrapped gifts for loved ones whilst watching this episode.
Columbo turns up at 20 minutes and 14 seconds and is confused by a fax machine (who isn’t!?). He also eats some crime scene cheese, yum Columbo, yum.
This is a great episode that harks back to the classics of the 70s. No sex or technology. The columboid? Bite marks in that cheese!
During this episode we learn that Columbo’s father loved Parmigiano Reggiano cheese.
I badly wrapped gifts for loved ones whilst watching this episode.
Sunday, 7 October 2012
Season 9, Episode 2- Columbo Cries Wolf
Fine Young Cannibals are playing over the title sequence and I can already tell this is going to be another sexy episode. Cut to shots of sexy girls in swimwear around a pool. This is the ‘Bachelor’s World’ mansion, kinda like the Playboy Mansion but sexier. Too sexy.
The face of Bachelor’s World is Sean Brantley but the brains behind the operation is Dian Hunter. Sean is having too many affairs with nymphs so Dian is going to sell her shares to Sir Harry Matthews. She leaves for London but then goes missing. Columbo comes in at 15 minutes and 16 seconds. He thinks Sean has killed Dian. After searching and harassing and messing about Dian turns up. It’s all been some scheme hatched up by the two of them for publicity. But then he goes and breaks her neck anyway and Columbo catches him.
The columboid is a gold beeper, flashing the word GOTCHA.
This isn’t my favourite episode. Columbo shouldn’t be so sexy.
We learn nothing about Columbo in this episode.
During this episode I ate a gourmet yogurt. I am not a sexy person.
The face of Bachelor’s World is Sean Brantley but the brains behind the operation is Dian Hunter. Sean is having too many affairs with nymphs so Dian is going to sell her shares to Sir Harry Matthews. She leaves for London but then goes missing. Columbo comes in at 15 minutes and 16 seconds. He thinks Sean has killed Dian. After searching and harassing and messing about Dian turns up. It’s all been some scheme hatched up by the two of them for publicity. But then he goes and breaks her neck anyway and Columbo catches him.
The columboid is a gold beeper, flashing the word GOTCHA.
This isn’t my favourite episode. Columbo shouldn’t be so sexy.
We learn nothing about Columbo in this episode.
During this episode I ate a gourmet yogurt. I am not a sexy person.
Season 9, Episode 1- Murder: A Self Portrait
The opening of this episode grabs the public and gives them what they want, i.e. loads of shots of basset hounds. It’s some kind of competition. There are costumes and howling and Columbo comes along at 1 minutes and 32 seconds. All this is then kind of forgotten about for a bit.
There’s an artist called Max Barsini. He has two wives and a girlfriend and they all live together. Maybe this will all be fine and work out really well… Oh, his first wife is going to leave him. This does not please him so he kills her. He pretends he’s painting a picture but all the while he’s killing her.
Columbo comes back and flatters Barsini until he arrests him for murder.
The columboid is ‘Barsini red’ paint and brush cleaner and Freudian interpretations of dreams.
Things we learn about Columbo: his uncle was a medical doctor.
During this episode I packed for a Swedish adventure.
There’s an artist called Max Barsini. He has two wives and a girlfriend and they all live together. Maybe this will all be fine and work out really well… Oh, his first wife is going to leave him. This does not please him so he kills her. He pretends he’s painting a picture but all the while he’s killing her.
Columbo comes back and flatters Barsini until he arrests him for murder.
The columboid is ‘Barsini red’ paint and brush cleaner and Freudian interpretations of dreams.
Things we learn about Columbo: his uncle was a medical doctor.
During this episode I packed for a Swedish adventure.
Season 8, Episode 4- Grand Deceptions
Colonel Frank Brealey is running a kind of military academy, that’s not really a military academy, it’s something else. Good old General Pagett is the money behind the academy, little does he know that Frank is doing some unspecified illegal stuff using the ‘Special Projects’ file. Frank is also sleeping with the General’s lovely young wife. And by sleeping with I mean sexing with. A guy called Lester knows all this and he’s going to rat him out. So whilst Frank is setting up a bunch of toy soldiers for the General’s birthday he sneaks out blows Lester up.
Columbo shows up at 22 minutes and 2 seconds and he knows the score. There are some shenanigans with the special projects file and a fake special projects file before Frank is inevitably caught.
The Columboid is the books won’t fit in the box!
Things we learn about Columbo: His car is a collector’s item and his nephew is a civil war re-enactor.
I really wanted a puppy during this episode. Really.
Columbo shows up at 22 minutes and 2 seconds and he knows the score. There are some shenanigans with the special projects file and a fake special projects file before Frank is inevitably caught.
The Columboid is the books won’t fit in the box!
Things we learn about Columbo: His car is a collector’s item and his nephew is a civil war re-enactor.
I really wanted a puppy during this episode. Really.
Season 8, Episode 3- Sex and the Married Detective
Dr Joan Allenby is a sex advice DJ/ author/ sex doctor. Her boyfriend is suspicious. She has to go on a trip to promote something but what’s this? Her flight is cancelled. Inconvenient but hey she can just go round to her boyfriend’s and snuggle, right? WRONG. He’s having a real good sexy time in bed with her secretary. So she sneaks out without them seeing and goes on her trip via some other means. When she gets back she goes to a fundraiser dressed like a normal lady from the 80s, then goes to the bathroom and changes to look like some kind of sexy prostitute. She creeps out, meets the man for a date, takes him to the ‘sex room’ in her office and kills him.
Columbo shows up at 22 minutes and 39 seconds, he smokes in a lift with a ‘No Smoking’ sign, oh Columbo! This is perhaps the most saucy episode I’ve ever seen. Not sure I like it.
The columboid is a lady police officer dressing up as the sexy prostitute.
In this episode we learn that Columbo can play the tuba and that his wife is anxious for him to read the sexual fantasies chapter of Dr Allenby’s book.
During this episode I painted my nails the colour of unpainted nails.
Columbo shows up at 22 minutes and 39 seconds, he smokes in a lift with a ‘No Smoking’ sign, oh Columbo! This is perhaps the most saucy episode I’ve ever seen. Not sure I like it.
The columboid is a lady police officer dressing up as the sexy prostitute.
In this episode we learn that Columbo can play the tuba and that his wife is anxious for him to read the sexual fantasies chapter of Dr Allenby’s book.
During this episode I painted my nails the colour of unpainted nails.
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