Oliver and Bertie are partners in the Company. They are also members of a Mensa- like high IQ society. At one of their meetings they go upstairs to look at a dictionary. Bertie tells Oliver he knows he’s stealing from the Company. Oliver shoots him. Then he faffs about setting up some kind of murder trap before going downstairs to talk to the other smart-holes. The murder trap thing causes some shooting sounds and everyone runs upstairs. It looks like Bertie has just been killed by an intruder and not by Oliver ten minutes ago.
Columbo shows up in a haze of smoke at 16 minutes and 17 seconds. He follows Oliver around a park whilst he eats an ice cream and tries to dispose of a gun.
Columbo basically goads Oliver into confessing by saying that one of the other high IQ guys is smarter than him.
During this episode we learn that Mrs Columbo is good at puzzles, Columbo’s nephew is studying to be an accountant, he can’t think of a time when he wasn’t working and at school lots of kids were smarter than him.
I watched this episode on a train. Fellow passengers radiated envy.
Saturday, 25 February 2012
Season 6, Episode 2- Old Fashioned Murder
Aunt Ruth runs the family museum, her brother Edward wants to cut the museum budget, her niece Janey wants her to go on dates. Dates with men. Janey is having an affair with Tim and blinded by love she employs his ex-con gambling addict brother Milton as a security guard. Aunt Ruth approaches Milton and asks him to set up a fake robbery at the museum. But instead of a fake robbery Ruth shoots Milton and her brother Edward.
Columbo shows up at 17 minutes and 3 seconds. The news of the murder sends Ruth’s sister into a fainting frenzy and makes their housekeeper hysterical, Janey is constantly on edge. Murdering aside Ruth seems to be the only person in the household not mentally ill. Their fridge is the colour of cheap chocolate ice cream. Bit of an odd hue. As part of his investigations Columbo gets a super haircut.
The Columboid: the artefact Ruth claimed was missing for two weeks had been recorded on Edward’s inventory on the night of the murder.
Things we learn about Columbo: he has an allergy, he doesn’t want to take anti-histamines as they make him sleepy, last year he went on holidays to the Islands and had to be vaccinated
During this episode I ate a roast dinner. It was 11am.
Columbo shows up at 17 minutes and 3 seconds. The news of the murder sends Ruth’s sister into a fainting frenzy and makes their housekeeper hysterical, Janey is constantly on edge. Murdering aside Ruth seems to be the only person in the household not mentally ill. Their fridge is the colour of cheap chocolate ice cream. Bit of an odd hue. As part of his investigations Columbo gets a super haircut.
The Columboid: the artefact Ruth claimed was missing for two weeks had been recorded on Edward’s inventory on the night of the murder.
Things we learn about Columbo: he has an allergy, he doesn’t want to take anti-histamines as they make him sleepy, last year he went on holidays to the Islands and had to be vaccinated
During this episode I ate a roast dinner. It was 11am.
Wednesday, 22 February 2012
Season 6, Episode 1- Fade into Murder
William Shatner is Ward Fowler, an actor who plays the TV detective Lieutenant Lucerne. He’s greedy for more money but his producer Claire is blackmailing him because he was a deserter during the Korean War. Shatner invites a man with a limp to his house to watch sport and then drugs him. Then he sneaks out to the deli he knows Claire is at, puts on a balaclava and puffa jacket, pretends it’s a stick up and shoots her. After this he destroys his disguise, goes home and rewinds the sport. He can do this because he has a fancy video recorder machine. He wakes up old limpy and pretends he just nodded off for a minute and not the massive amount of time it took to do a complicated murder.
Columbo shows up at 14 minutes and 40 seconds and is awed by the fame of Fowler/Shatner, so much so he lets him assist with the investigation. But look out Fowler/Shatner- it’s a trap! Columbo is on to him from the start and finally catches him in a columboid that involves a watch that should be fast but isn’t and fingerprints on bullets.
During this episode we learn that Columbo and Mrs Columbo never miss an episode of Lieutentant Lucerne.
I had some very green soup whilst watching this episode. Unnaturally green.
Columbo shows up at 14 minutes and 40 seconds and is awed by the fame of Fowler/Shatner, so much so he lets him assist with the investigation. But look out Fowler/Shatner- it’s a trap! Columbo is on to him from the start and finally catches him in a columboid that involves a watch that should be fast but isn’t and fingerprints on bullets.
During this episode we learn that Columbo and Mrs Columbo never miss an episode of Lieutentant Lucerne.
I had some very green soup whilst watching this episode. Unnaturally green.
Monday, 20 February 2012
Season 5, Episode 6- Last Salute to the Commodore
Steady yourselves, this is a complicated one. Loads of old people are having fun on a boat. Ancient and surly Otis (AKA the Commodore) looks on disapprovingly before boarding. It’s his party but he’s really not keen. His daughter Joanna is drunk and busty. Otis’ son-in-law Charles wants to expand his naval architecture business but he’s having none of it. Later Charles shows up at Otis’ house and he’s lying on the floor, dead. The only thing to do is dress as the Commodore and sail around ostentatiously before dumping the body at sea, then scuba diving off the boat and swimming back to land.
Columbo makes an appearance at 13 minutes and 35 seconds. The body has turned up and the lack of water in the lungs proves it wasn’t an accident.
Columbo snoops about and suspects Charles but then Charles goes and gets himself killed. Now we’re in the peculiar position of not knowing who the murderer is. This is extremely disorientating and made me feel a bit sleepy. Columbo gathers all the players together for an Agatha Christie style big reveal. The columboid is a watch. The murderer is Swanny. Who’s that you ask? Exactly.
We learn that Columbo knows nothing about boats and that his wife wants him to give up cigars. She thinks cigars are bad for her plants. She also talks to her plants.
During this episode I drank orange squash from a Lando Calrissian glass.
Columbo makes an appearance at 13 minutes and 35 seconds. The body has turned up and the lack of water in the lungs proves it wasn’t an accident.
Columbo snoops about and suspects Charles but then Charles goes and gets himself killed. Now we’re in the peculiar position of not knowing who the murderer is. This is extremely disorientating and made me feel a bit sleepy. Columbo gathers all the players together for an Agatha Christie style big reveal. The columboid is a watch. The murderer is Swanny. Who’s that you ask? Exactly.
We learn that Columbo knows nothing about boats and that his wife wants him to give up cigars. She thinks cigars are bad for her plants. She also talks to her plants.
During this episode I drank orange squash from a Lando Calrissian glass.
Friday, 23 December 2011
Season 5, Episode 5- Now You See Him…
Santini is a sly looking magician. His manager Jerome is sweaty and takes a hefty percentage of Santini’s hard earned magic money. Santini isn’t too happy with this but as he used to be in the SS and only Jerome knows about it there’s not much he can do. Except kill him of course. Santini’s glamorous assistant is his own daughter and he watches her making out with a guy backstage for a bit too long… He goes on stage and does a bit of magic. While he’s pretending to be locked in a metal box submerged in water he sneaks out, dresses like a waiter, puts on a fake moustache and hair piece, sets up some audio equipment in his dressing room, hangs about the kitchen, plays a trick on a waiter with the audio equipment and a skull, picks the lock of Jerome’s office door, shoots Jerome, clears away any incriminating evidence, phones the kitchen and then re-appears onstage in a tuxedo. He does all this in 9 minutes.
Columbo is on the scene at 22 minutes and 27 seconds and he has a new coat! Because of this, this episode is unofficially known as ‘The New Coat episode’. Throughout this episode Columbo tries continually to lose this new coat, as he hates it with stoic intensity. The columboid is a fancy ball typewriter.
Things we learn about Columbo: he has small hands and he plays cards down at the station.
During this episode my bunions really ached.
Columbo is on the scene at 22 minutes and 27 seconds and he has a new coat! Because of this, this episode is unofficially known as ‘The New Coat episode’. Throughout this episode Columbo tries continually to lose this new coat, as he hates it with stoic intensity. The columboid is a fancy ball typewriter.
Things we learn about Columbo: he has small hands and he plays cards down at the station.
During this episode my bunions really ached.
Season 5, Episode 4- A Matter of Honour
It’s Mexico and Luis Montoya has lots of bulls for fighting. His servant waxes his hard top. His trousers are so very tight.
A hot headed young man, probably called Curro has been injured by a bull. Now Curro’s father Hector is going to quit with job with Luis. So Luis says he’s going to kill the bull but instead drugs Hector and puts him in the ring with the bull and so, the bull kills him.
Columbo shows up at 9 minutes and 12 seconds and promptly crashes his car. He does have insurance though. Everyone else is speaking Spanish but he can’t. He flashes his badge and I see it and think perhaps his first name is Frank but I’m not sure. He meets a friendly Mexican cop called Jackie Sanchez, who is familiar with Columbo from the cruise ship case. Sanchez enlists Columbo’s help, although it looks like Hector died accidentally. Columbo knows it was no accident and proves that Montoya did it because of broken wood and wet flags. The columboid: Columbo gets Montoya in the bullring and sees him freeze with fear.
In this episode we learn that Mrs Columbo won the cruise ship ticket in a raffle and that it’s Columbo’s cousin Vito’s anniversary.
During this episode I knitted a scarf.
A hot headed young man, probably called Curro has been injured by a bull. Now Curro’s father Hector is going to quit with job with Luis. So Luis says he’s going to kill the bull but instead drugs Hector and puts him in the ring with the bull and so, the bull kills him.
Columbo shows up at 9 minutes and 12 seconds and promptly crashes his car. He does have insurance though. Everyone else is speaking Spanish but he can’t. He flashes his badge and I see it and think perhaps his first name is Frank but I’m not sure. He meets a friendly Mexican cop called Jackie Sanchez, who is familiar with Columbo from the cruise ship case. Sanchez enlists Columbo’s help, although it looks like Hector died accidentally. Columbo knows it was no accident and proves that Montoya did it because of broken wood and wet flags. The columboid: Columbo gets Montoya in the bullring and sees him freeze with fear.
In this episode we learn that Mrs Columbo won the cruise ship ticket in a raffle and that it’s Columbo’s cousin Vito’s anniversary.
During this episode I knitted a scarf.
Season 5, Episode 3- Identity Crisis
Leslie Nielson is looking about in the cupboards of a hotel. Patrick McGoohan is talking on a phone elsewhere. Leslie Nielson’s shirt is unbuttoned to the navel. Patrick and Leslie talk on the phone in code (or ‘nonsense’). They arrange a clandestine meeting in an amusement park. At this point I begin to suspect they are spies. McGoohan walks around with a giant stuffed panda whilst Nielson fails to button up his shirt. Later, after receiving a broken poker chip, Nielson meets McGoohan on the beach and McGoohan hits him with a crowbar.
Columbo shows up at 12 minutes and 37 seconds and is confused yet somehow manages to follow the trail to the amusement park. He examines photographs there. He also has his photo taken and made into a badge which he then wears. In case you didn’t catch that Columbo wears a giant badge of his own face. No words can capture my delight. Columbo knows he has to find a shifty spy called Melville Steinmetz, who is clearly just Patrick McGoohan is a luxuriant wig. Columbo discovers this when he finds a bald picture of McGoohan and draws a magnificent head of hair on it, top detective work. The columboid: China didn’t pull out of the Olympics until the day after the murder!
Things we learn about Columbo: his wife would like a giant stuffed panda but if he was standing on the dock he couldn’t hit the water, his dog is called Dog, he met a fellow in the park with a pool so his dog goes swimming there every morning, his wife likes Beethoven and Mozart but listens to ‘rock’ when their nieces come over, sometimes Columbo forgets his own telephone number.
During this episode I loved Columbo with all my heart.
Columbo shows up at 12 minutes and 37 seconds and is confused yet somehow manages to follow the trail to the amusement park. He examines photographs there. He also has his photo taken and made into a badge which he then wears. In case you didn’t catch that Columbo wears a giant badge of his own face. No words can capture my delight. Columbo knows he has to find a shifty spy called Melville Steinmetz, who is clearly just Patrick McGoohan is a luxuriant wig. Columbo discovers this when he finds a bald picture of McGoohan and draws a magnificent head of hair on it, top detective work. The columboid: China didn’t pull out of the Olympics until the day after the murder!
Things we learn about Columbo: his wife would like a giant stuffed panda but if he was standing on the dock he couldn’t hit the water, his dog is called Dog, he met a fellow in the park with a pool so his dog goes swimming there every morning, his wife likes Beethoven and Mozart but listens to ‘rock’ when their nieces come over, sometimes Columbo forgets his own telephone number.
During this episode I loved Columbo with all my heart.
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